Communication works for those who work at it.

People say you realise a lot about yourself when you come to college. I somewhat doubted the validity of that general, sweeping declaration before I started myself, thinking that an 18 year old must have themselves pretty sussed, but I think I learned more about myself in the last year than I did in the eighteen before that. Some things were minor, like the fact that I actually prefer Diet Coke to regular Coke. Some were completely circumstantial, such as the discovery that I am quite willing to live as a nomad, should the situation arise. Some I kind of knew already, and some completely changed the way I observe my own behaviour.

Going in, studying Communications, I hoped I had a solid enough grasp on the English language to get by in my course. I knew my course content was going to be very articulate in parts, so when I was doing my Leaving Cert I focused on English to give myself a bit of a headstart for the next year. I went in to college confident in my ability, believing I had my head firmly screwed on and I would only build my knowledge base with more skills and information, rather than change what I thought I already knew.

This brings me nicely on to my biggest learning curve. I may have spent the two years before college honing my vocabulary and syntax, and it has served me well. I haven't had much trouble with the Communications course, but what came as a shock to me is that outside the lecture hall, I am the worst communicator ever. I always have been, I just didn't notice. I have also found that the older I've gotten, and the more words I've learned, the harder it is for me to know what to say.

Take, for example, my classes. My written assignments are only delightful, and while the idea of doing them may appeal to me as pulling my own teeth would, they're comfortable. I can do them. But presentations are another story. I know what I want to say, I just can't get it out without shaking or stuttering. I also come across either really stupid or really self-assured and arrogant in general public speking scenarios. I just cannot present myself as a remotely acceptable human being. Same goes for interviews. I'm an absolute nervous wreck.

It's pretty detrimental sometimes. Things that should be said, aren't. When I started writing this post, I searched the internet for an apt quote on communication for the title (due to my lack of quote knowledge off the top of my head, shoot me), and on the way I found one by Robert Frost. He said "Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half have nothing to say and keep on saying it". Over the course of the year, I have found I am both of those people. I go on about pretty much nothing most of the time, but when I really need to say something, it's on the tip of my tongue, yet never gets said.

I suppose I kind of hope that these things will speak for themselves.

I should probably work on that.









Blogs are great. You can go on about yourself for ages, no one tells you to shut up, and you know you're not boring anyone because if they're bored, all they have to do is stop reading. Yaaaay.